The saga of John Edwards, my first choice

Who here hasn’t fallen in love with someone they shouldn’t have, or had an abortion, or taken something that wasn’t theirs, or hurt somebody deliberately, or let someone down callously, or fallen short in some other significant way?  If getting involved with somebody outside your marriage and making a baby results in all of your lifelong friends and colleagues turning their backs on you, then it’s true what they say:  With friends like that, who needs enemies?  I’m pretty sure that when John Edwards was living the good life, his friends and associates couldn't be nicer, and promised their loyalty, and local NC merchants couldn’t do enough for him, but at a time when he needs his friends' and colleagues' support the most is when they run for the hills, and worse than that, they disparage, insult, and judge him publicly.  That’s very sad to me, a sadder commentary on America than it is on him.  We too often tear down the successful instead of being happy for their successes, even if hard-earned.  I’m saddened and disappointed by how pilloried and disparaged he is because he had an affair.  Narcissist or not, everybody does things they’re not proud of or are ashamed of -- or should be if they’re decent people.

Am I the only person in the country who’s not afraid to publicly state that I still have a high regard for John Edwards's achievements and the work he did?  Sure seems like it!  I certainly don’t despise him like so many others seem to.  In fact, I don’t even regret my campaign contributions to him, not because I refuse to admit I was wrong about him, but because I know politicians and candidates are as fallible and as flawed as the rest of us; they represent us.  I know that putting faith in any person is risky business because we are so flawed and fickle.  Given the kind of work he did, he had proven his commitment to our society enough to satisfy me.  He screwed up, no doubt about it, but in a way, I understand how he could or why he did.

There’s a part of this story that looms large and that I can’t ignore when I judge his actions.  His wife seemed to me, even back then, and apparently it’s confirmed by others, to be an angry and sometimes mean woman.   There was an energy about her that made me wonder why they were married.  I know that she’s dead, and apparently it’s verboten to speak ill of the dead (btw, I didn’t sign on to that agreement), but her premature and unfortunate death doesn’t change the fact that she was cruel to and dismissive of the people around her.  I agreed with her politics, as far as I understood them, but she was somebody I had a hard time envisioning her husband being happy with.  Maybe he stuck around for the children.  Losing a child is a grief I can only imagine and I pray I never experience, but it changes your view of life and family.  As much as I admired him, I never warmed up to her.  Her smile seemed brittle and unconvincing to me.    

An opinion for which I have been pilloried and banned from a certain ultra left web site (because Elizabeth is my example) is that husbands and wives have an obligation to keep themselves fit and healthy and should work to remain healthy and attractive to their mate, because if you don’t, the competition will be fierce.  We do have the choice not to do that, of course, but if one chooses to put on weight and stop caring about their appearance, one’s spouse may look elsewhere.  Is that really so shocking and outrageous to people?  Mrs. Edwards put on weight and seemed to stop caring about her looks, her hair, and her fashion before she got ill.  I'm not a psychologist, but I believe that decision can be interpreted as hostility toward your mate.  Did that decision not affect her marriage?  Is it wrong to expect it would?  Maybe that’s why he strayed…?  Is it really fair to let yourself go and expect your spouse to either ignore it or give up passion and sex for the rest of their days?  I certainly wouldn't be happy with it, and I would not expect or ask my mate to accept it -- all things being equal.

If Elizabeth did decide not to keep herself fit, she should have at least treated her husband well and been a loving wife.  This, it appears, she did not do, by many accounts.  By many accounts she was mean to him both privately and in public, and to others as well, which is a fact his attorneys could but have not raised in the trial, probably out of respect to Elizabeth and out of consideration for their children’s feelings.  Her cruelty is evidenced by her last decision days before she died to leave her husband out of her will, as a final punishment to him, regardless of how it might affect her children and regardless of the fact that all she had, he provided for her.  It bespeaks a vindictiveness and entitlement that I sensed years ago.   Yes, she was a mean one, and as someone said to me once and with which I agree: if you’re going to be homely AND mean, you’re going to have a very difficult life.  I don't mean that to sound harsh, although I know it does.  I believe it to be true.  Some will say I'm shallow, but I think I'm being realistic.  This is a debate I’ve had with others for years, and few people will agree out loud... 

As I follow these last couple of weeks, I admire his daughter for sticking by her father when few others will, and I’m glad that her mother’s anger hasn’t appeared to diminish Cate’s loyalty for her father.  Daughters tend to love their fathers no matter what, but I hope his love for his children is genuine and is realized by them.  I hope he'll find love again and if it's with Rielle Hunter, I hope she's not as nutty as she appears.  I hope that one day he’ll be able to hold his head high and not be judged so harshly by others all too willing to cast the first stone.
ETA: 5/31/12.  To all you people on DailyKos who insulted and harrangued me and then censored and banned me for my support of Edwards and daring to speak a controversial opinion:  !Ha and ha!!  There's no justification for your intolerance and cowardly group-think, and Edwards's freedom is made all the more sweet to me knowing that you know that I know you were wrong and I was right.  However ostracized I am, I'm right, and you merely suck.   Have fun with each other.   One shouldn't gloat, but you all were pretty awful to me AND, may I say again, wrong.